If You're Not on Stage You Shouldn't Be Judged

     Today was Update Picture time.   The day that always creates a certain level of anxiety for me and today was no different.  To add to that stomach turning series of quarter-turns-to-the-right and auto timer set photos was the fact that I knew my weight was up.  For the first time I am following a diet designed to add some muscle, rather than one with restricted calories for the purpose of leaning out for an upcoming competition.  The whole notion of being on "a diet" with the purpose of maintaining or even gaining weight is foreign and just weird to me.  My mind just can't quite wrap around that concept.

     Before I realized it my heart began to sink as I downloaded the images and they popped up on the computer screen.  And I slid into that dark place of self judgment.  The negative thoughts that steal my focus away from my goals.  The negative thoughts that tell me I am kidding myself to think that I am good enough and have what it takes to go to the next level.  The negative thoughts that zap my enthusiasm and motivation.  The negative thoughts that create self doubt.  But having been at this point multiple times in the past, I have the experience to know not to dwell in that negativity too long.  In fact, these days those thoughts are fleeting at best.  I laughed at that very small voice and first reminded her how far I have come.  How each and every time she said that I couldn't, I showed her that I was stronger than she ever will be.  I then turned my attention to the place it belonged - my goals. 

     At this point I am working to build some muscle.  My conditioning persistently has been the quality that has catapulted me on stage.  In my very first OCB competition years ago, the write-up pronounced, "Bogard bought a conditioned physique that was unmatched.....".  And with each competition my conditioning has steadily improved.  What I have not been able to accomplish is adding some muscle to fill out my physique.  This has been secondary to many factors; never having an adequate diet to support muscle growth, a reluctance to decrease cardiovascular training, age/hormones, multiple surgeries, and simply not having the structure necessary during the "off-season".  After deciding that it is time to compete on the national level, I realized that if I want to do well I am in need of a fuller physique. 

     I had surgery in November, and I after getting clearance to get back into the gym, my coach Kim Oddo, and I started preparing for the 2013 season.  Rather than jumping into a cutting and leaning out plan, we are starting with a program to add some size.  So my calories are higher than I have ever had on any previous plan and my cardio has been minimized.  And in spite of being committed to following my plan, I gained weight in the first few weeks.  Initially I freaked out, but rather than skipping meals and doing extra cardio to get the results I wanted, I took the scale out of my bathroom and continued to follow the plan created by my coach.  At my first check in, Kim did make some minor changes to the diet, and I will likely respond accordingly.  As with any plan, it is only as good as your willingness to stick to it.  I have a long term goal that requires that I go through a process.  Even when the steps along the path aren't what I desire, if they lead me to the goal, they are steps worth taking.

     So I am turning off my critical eye and not judging myself based on those images on the computer screen - I will leave that to the judges in June at NPC Jr. Nationals.  Today I am staying positive and staying focused. 

 

These pictures were taken first thing in the morning. I had a lot of difficulty with posing because of a very painful lower back spasm. My goals for improving are putting on some overall muscle in general. My posterior delts are lagging compared to anterior, but in order to improve the balance between upper and lower body, I will need to round out my delts a lot. My lats definitely need some density as well as width. From waist down, tightening is key, but I am working to fill out my glutes and quads.

Every goal that you set out to achieve will require a process to attain it.  You must lay out a plan that includes the necessary steps to get there.  Along the route there is guaranteed to be multiple twists and turns, hills and valleys, and triumphs and failures.  Some days everything will seem to be right on target and that goal will be clearly in your viewpoint.  Other days the skies might not be so clear and it may even seem as though you are moving in a total opposite direction than planned.  It is during those time that you have to buckle down and stay committed to the journey.  Your compass may require some realignment, but donot jump ship and attempt to swim back to shore!  Steady yourself, remember why you are on this journey and let that keep you rowing ahead. 

Stay focused, be consistent, be persistent, and success will be yours!